How To Not Be 'That Asshole' At A Gig

I am a lover of live music and a seasoned gig-goer, it seems. Despite the fact that I am largely antisocial, anxious in dark, crowded places and generally a huge grumpy mess, I can never resist the call of seeing a band I like live. Only now I'm starting to find the whole ordeal completely overwhelming, and I wonder if getting to see a band I love is really worth all the assholism that comes along with it. I don't really like to talk about stuff that makes me angry, but hopefully I can inject some well placed humour into this post to make it worth reading?! Anyway, over the span of Wednesday and Thursday I saw Motion City Soundtrack play ALL their albums, basically their entire catalogue, and even though it was obviously AMAZING, I was also really sick and compiling a list of gig etiquette in my head, rather than vomitting on people who were annoying me. So I came up with ten rules that I think everyone should abide by so we can all get along when thrust into dank spaces to be deafened for two hours.

How To Not Be An Asshole At A Gig

1. If you have paid money for a ticket, and everyone around you has paid money for a ticket, please don't try and conduct a conversation with your friends for the entire gig, complete with having to shout over the music, because the people directly in front of you actually can't hear the band.
2. If you're not front and centre-stage please don't jump around wildly crashing into people. I'm pretty sure its an unwritten rule that people stood farther back are not into moshing and don't appreciate you stamping on their feet.
3. Pogoing with your full cup of beer in one hand and spilling it onto everyone's heads is never appreciated, even if it is the less disgusting of the 'golden showers'. I once saw a guy get punched in the face over repeatedly spilling beer onto a dude's head.
4. Chuck your empty cup on the floor, not further into the crowd. Things get pretty sticky that way.
5. If there is a 'no crowd-surfing' rule, it's probably for a reason. Like the ceiling is too low and you're giving everyone concussion.
6. Never. NEVER. Never ever repeatedly shout out a song you want played between songs/shout out songs from previous bands that the members happened to be in/think everyone thinks your cool for shouting out b-sides.
7. Okay, so people cannot help being tall and it's not fair to expect them to stay at the back just for the shorties, but once the band have started playing and everyone has got into it, it's not cool to suddenly decide you want to go stand in front of that group of short people because you can see better. We were all stood there for a reason, but now your shoulders are blocking the sun.
8. Are you seriously going to record and document this entire experience on your phone? The pictures all come out like blurry shapes and the sound quality is awful. Plus when you upload your super unique videos to youtube it clogs up any live vids that might have actually had decent sound.
9. WHOA WHOA WHOA. WHY ARE YOU ON FACEBOOK ON YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW?
10. Always let the band start the clap clap clapping. They know where it sounds best.

Oh gosh, do you all hate me now? I mean, a little bit of politeness goes a long way in making gigs so nice I mean, sometimes I'm moved to tears by having incredible experiences with live music, but most of the time you have to wade through a sea of shitheads just to get to that point. Do you have anything to add? Am I being a grumpy old lady? I think those points are pretty fair. Of course, it also depends on the kind of band you're going to see. If I was going to see a hardcore punk band the barging and beer spilling would be a given. Don't even get me started on festivals either! To end this, I'll leave you with Adam and Joe, because THEY UNDERSTAND.